Tales of the Chocobo Kind
by Crea Ash
Summary: Lightning and Serah inherit a chocobo farm. They recuit Snow, Vanille, Sazh, and Fang to help them out. Little do they know, running a Chocobo farm is a LOT harder than it sounds. Madness ensues! Rated T for total randomness!
1. Chapter 1

Tales of the Chocobo Kind

Summary: Lightning and Serah inherit a chocobo farm. They recuit Snow, Vanille, Sazh, and Fang to help them out. Little do they know, running a Chocobo farm is a LOT harder than it sounds. Madness ensues! Rated T for total randomness!

Disclaimer: I own nothing

Chapter 1: Chocobo Bill's Death

Lightning Farron sat in her home in Cocoon, watching the morning news on the T.V. She drank her morning protein shake and watched about the death of Chocobo Bill. Apparently his grandson, Billy, was hoping to inherit it but lost it to someone else.

"So Billy", the newswoman started, investigating the situation, "how does it feel to have your life's desire taken away from you?"

"Well, I've loved chocobos all my short little life. I loved feeding them, brushing them, washing them, and even picking up the poo! And now that I can't help out anymore I just want to kill the bitches who stole it from me!" Billy said

"Exactly who was that?"

"Lightning and Serah Farron."

FLASHBACK

"_No Grandpa! You can't die, not now!" Tim cried. When little Tim woke up this morning, he would have never guessed that he'd find his grandpa, Chocobo Bill, outside and drowning in the tiny pond the chocobos drank from. _

"_Sorry, sonny, but an old geezer like me has to die someday, and that someday is today." _

"_But grandpa, who will take care of the farm? I can't do it alone!" Tim was only 9 years old and barely knew how to count and drink through a straw; he wasn't capable of running the most visited chocobo farm in the world. _

"_Don't worry Timmy, you won't have to do it at all. My will is in the bathroom counter, go get it…" Chocobo Bill tried to say, but was interrupted by his own death._

"_No! Grandpa, no!" Tim cried. He left his grandpa in the pond to rot and ran into the tiny, three-room home. He entered the small bathroom, which was painted an unpleasant brown color, and opened the moldy drawer on the counter. He grabbed the wrinkly piece of paper and read out-load, "'I, Chocobo Bill, give my farm to the the pink haired sisters who stole my heart…"_

BACK TO PRESENT

Serah stopped cooking her T-Bone steak (it's breakfast time btw!) and ran over to the TV. She couldn't believe what she was hearing!

"I loooooved the Chocobo Farm! Expecially that one chocobo Hector! It's been FOREVER since we've been there! Why didn't you take me more often?" Serah said.

"Because they kept picking at my ASS," Lightning said.

"Hey, hey, don't blame them! It's not their fault your skirt's the size of a postage stamp tee hee. So anyways, we should totally run the farm! You don't do anything nowadays, you just wake up, go mountain climbing, then come home to sleep! What do I run here, a motel!? So what do you say?" Serah said.

Just then, Lightning went silent for a few moments thinking about herself, the Great Lightning, riding a Great Chocobo, followed by a million more little chocobos as they roamed the planet and invaded the Lifestream...

"LETS DO DIS." Light decided.

"Yaaaaaay!" Serah exclaimed. "Why don't we have Snow, and the gang help us out?"

"You really want to take Snow about of rehab? You were the one who wanted him there in the first place." Snow had been in rehab for the past several weeks now.

"Awww come on, now that I think about it, a toothpaste addiction isn't THAT bad! He'll get over it later! I'm sure he'll be happy to get out of rehab and have some fun with us."

"If you say so...but you'll have to call him and the others yourself."

"Ok ok!" Serah said happily.

Next time on Tales of the Chocobo Kind: The Farron sisters team up and recruit the old gang to help them with the chocobo farm! Snow has to give up everything he's worked for, Fang needs some convincing, Vanille's TOO excited, Sazh is being really suspicious, and Hope is well…HOPE.

Thank you for reading! Please review! I know this chapter is short but things really pick up and get longer starting next chapter.


	2. Chapter 2

Tales of the Chocobo Kind

By: Crea Ash

Disclaimer: I don't own FF13

Chapter 2: Convincing and Bribing

Lightning and Serah were on a recruiting mission. To run the chocobo they needed help. And now, they're gonna call the old gang for assistance.

First up: Snow

Serah waited excitingly as she heard the "ringie ring ring" on the line, waiting to talk to Snow, who was currently residing in rehab. Serah had always imagined rehab to be a horrible place with straightjackets and torture chambers. In reality, the rehab center was full of bouncy balls, fruit punch, and popsicles.

"Hi-ello?" Snow answered.

"Snowey bear!"

"Cubby!' Snow answered her back. "How are you sweet cakes?"

"Good good! ^0^ Guess what, my sis and I inherited that old chocobo farm!"

"The one with those creepy chocobos that kept molesting Light?"

"Yeah yeah! The owner had a thing for us, so we were included in his will!"

"Well ain't that great news! Say, when I'm finished with rehab I'll come over and visit you at the farm, ok?"

"Actually, I was hoping you can help us out?" Serah asked.

"I'd love to hun, but I've gotten so far with overcoming my toothpaste addiction, it would be a shame to let all these weeks of not having been able to brush my teeth go to waste."

"I'll give you 300 tubes of Colgate."

"LETS GET 'ER DONE!"

"He's still calling you cubby?" Lightning asked her sister.

"He calls me a lot of things!"

"Like storage compartments?"

"Hee hee hee..."

Next up: Fang

"Sis, I really gotta go pee! You call Fang right now please!"

"No way! I'd rather you pee your pants than have her talk to me in her 'husky' voice again. I swear, ever since people have been shipping us she thinks that's a reasonable excuse to let out her inner lesbo."

"I'M PEEING RIGHT NOW."

"Ok, just go!" Lightning decided. She didn't want to have to scrub the floors again, not after the toothpaste fiasco.

As Serah finished her peeing, Lightning dialed Fang and hoped with all her heart that she wouldn't pull any lesbo moves on her (they always worked).

"Hello?" answered Fang.

"Hi, it's Light. We need some help running a chocobo farm. Would you help us out?"

"Hmmm sugar-plum, what's in it for me?"

"DAMMIT" thought Lightning. "You know," she replied, when in fact, Lightning didn't even know.

"Oh, THAT, I see. Hmm, sounds like a fair deal. I'll join ya then. Cheerio 3" Fang answered then hung up.

"How'd it go?" Serah asked her sister as she returned from the bathroom.

"I have…no clue what just happened." she responded.

Third: Sazh

"OH GOSH I NEED TO PEE AGAIN!" Serah yelled and ran off.

"But you just went 2 minutes ago!" This always happened to Lightning; she was always stuck doing her sister's dirty work! Like doing her science projects and selling the girlscout cookies! Nonetheless she gaveup and just dialed Sazh's hut.

"Who what when where and WHY!?" he answered.

"Can you help Serah and I with my our chocobo farm?"

"Why me?"

"Sazh, we're asking everyone."

"Including me? Why?"

"Because…. we think you can be a big help."

"Can I bring Dahj?"

"Sure, just meet us at train station and have your things ready."

"Why?"

Lightning hung up.

"How'd it go?" Serah asked.

"He kept asking questions, he must be on his new blood pressure prescription :/ " She stood up from the round table and gave Serah the phone, "You call Hope."

"Why me!?" Serah asked. "He's been so emo lately! He'll probably keep me on the phone complaining about how he hates his life!"

"Whenever he even hears me talk he starts having convulsions and stuttering." Hope also has a thing for Lightning, except he was also terrified of her. He would have seizures when he looked into her eyes, stutter when he had to talk to her, and even pooped his pants sometimes in her presense!

"Ok then :( " Serah gave up and dialed the hopeless boy.

"Hello?" Hope answered sadly.

"Hi hope it's Serah, long story short my sis and I inherited a chocobo farm. Would you please help us out with running it?"

"Y-y-y-y-your s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-is?" He stuttered for a good 40 seconds.

"Yes, yes! Don't worry about it, she ain't all that scary! She wears bunny pijamas and eats cotton candy while watching mexican soap operas! Well anyways, would you help us out?"

"I guess, it'll be better than staying at home. The neighborhood boys have been teasing me again, they throw rocks at me and say 'Hope is a weenie, Hope is a weenie!'"

"Ok ok, just meet us at the station tommorow, byez!" Serah concluded and hung up and shook her head.

Serah had to call Vanille next, and she knew Vanille could be chatting away for hours on end…

FLASHBACK

_Vanille: And then I was like "No way you really think he likes me?" and they were all like "yeah totally girl!" so I was like "Ok I'll ask him out!" And they were like "He's totally gonna ask you to prom!" so I went out side and I was like OMG he was like right there! I was like super nervous and then I like walked up to him and I was like "Hiya hun! Anything you wanna ask me?" and he was like "Who are you?" I was like OMG I thought you liked me! I was like SO SAD and my friends were like "Guuuuuurrrrrrlllll he must be trippin or something!" and I was like "I'll never be prom queen now!"_

That night Serah was stuck on the phone for 14 hours hearing Vanille complain about losing the Prom Queen title to a girl who looked just like her.

"Just be sure to get to the point and hang up when she says yes," Lightning advised Serah. Serah nodded and nervously dialed Vanille's number.

"HeLLoooooo~!"

"Hi, Vanille, it's me Serah."

"Hey Serah wassap! You guys like NEVER call me!"

"Well, my sis just inherited the old chocobo farm and we were wondering if you would like to pitch in? Snow, Fang, and Sazh. So what do you say?"

"Where do I sign up? I'd LOVE to!"

"Just meet us at the train station with all your luggage ready, we're all going to take a a few trips to the farm."

"Great! I'm gonna bring everything! Hey, do you think I can be the captain and be in charge of all the chocobos? That would be SO MUCH FUN! I LOVE chocobos! They're the cutest little animalitos EVA!…"

Lightning took the phone and hung up, she never Serah wouldn't have the heart to do it herself :3

Next time on Tales of the Chocobo Kind: The gang meets up and heads to the farm! But what will happen when Snow leaves rehab? And what is it exactly that Lightning owes Fang? And why does Vanille bring so much luggage? Oh no! Hope is spazzing out again! Snow lost his - And poor little Dahj has to- it's all next time on Tales of the Chocobo Kind!

This chapter was super fun! I love writing Hope's parts! As for what happens to Snow next chapter, you don't want to miss it! Thank you KH-Hardcorefan4483 for the first review! And to answer your question, yes it's in reference to FF7.

Please review! The more reviews I get the faster I update. If you want just tell me your favorite part, it'll really help me with my writing :) btw, a question for you all, what do you think of my use of emoticons in the dialogue? Cute? Distracting/confusing? Please let me know anything on your mind ^0^


End file.
